Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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