Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
