This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
