just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
