if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
