why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
