I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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