Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
