Pants 0. Shit 1.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
