I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
