Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
