they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
