Me. At least after what I've been through.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
