Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
