okay pat passed out under dana's car
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
