The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
