Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How external is "for external use only"?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize