please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
