So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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