i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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