Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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