I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
