are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
