I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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