oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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