So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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