your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
