I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
