Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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