I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
