im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
