If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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