if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
