The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
