i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
