Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
