good thing vaginas are great cup holders
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
