32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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