Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
