it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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