help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
