apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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