She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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