the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
