i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
