If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
