Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
