I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
someone threw a dead crab at me
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
