He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
