Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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