I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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