So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize