loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
