it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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