You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
