im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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