Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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