so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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