Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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