I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
