I just threw up on my dentist
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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