haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
