I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.