You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
