Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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