Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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