a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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