And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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