Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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