jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize