I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
