Tell her she can't have a vagina
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
